Thursday, April 4, 2013

Lies, Damn Lies, and Real Estate

A Den of Lies: The Sequel

Our real estate adventure is way short on sex, but it makes up for it in lies.

Two more lies I've learned about real estate this week:

1. When a realtor says an issue will be settled in the next day or two, it's a lie.  (In this case, it's been 11 days and it's still not settled.)

2. Earnest money is a lie.  A buyer can back out of a deal for no reason and still get their earnest money back. They can jerk you around, stall, keep trying to change the agreement, and if the deal falls through, you still have to sue them for the earnest money.  This lie makes me so mad I could spit.  What's the point of this "deposit" if it has no teeth?

The nutjob who's trying to buy Betrothed's condo tried to back out this week.  Her reason?  She doesn't think her tiny 7-pound dog can get up the stairs.

She's been stalling for weeks about paying the balance of her earnest money, while at the same time hounding us about getting all of her contractors into the place so she can renovate before she moves in.  After one contractor found what he thought were a bunch of electrical issues (the official home inspector found none), we put a stop to that and said she would not have any more access to the place until she paid her earnest money.  We've offered her $2000 to fix all this stuff, way more than it will cost or she deserves.  Yet she keeps asking for all these niggling little things that have nothing to do with us.  (E.g. She says the "intercom" is broken.  Um, there is no intercom.  There's a buzzer to let people in.  That's all.)  You're not ordering a custom-built unit.  You're buying a home.  Why won't someone explain to this woman how this works? And we shouldn't even be having this conversation until you PAY YOUR EARNEST MONEY!!!! Argh.       

Give me da fuckin money!!!  Goodfellas know how to get results. 

The inspection and earnest money should have been taken care of a week after the deal was made.  It's been almost four weeks. 


But back to the 7-pound dog.  Communicating between me and Betrothed, her realtor, her lawyer, her loan officer, and the buyer, her realtor, her lawyer, her loan officer, and her 17 contractors has been a huge game of telephone.  By the time I hear something, it's been through 9 people.

It turns out the issue isn't that the dog can't get up the stairs, it's that the condo policy is that dogs are not allowed to walk up and down the front steps of the building (but the back steps are fine.)  So to get her dog in and out the front door (but not the back), the buyer would have to carry the dog to the second floor.  From the buyer's lawyer: "Having to carry the 7 lb dog down the front stairs is a deal breaker for the Buyer." To which our lawyer commented, "UGH. cannot believe it comes down to this.. carrying a dog down stairs is a deal breaker."

See how easy it is?  (Not our actual buyer.)

Which is also when we learned that even if the buyer pulls out for this stupid reason, she could still get her earnest money back.  That just made me livid.  She's wasted four weeks of our time during prime real estate season, and we don't get anything for our inconvenience?  

Argh, UGH, and WTF? 


What I'm learning is real estate is fluid and situations change on an hourly basis. Here's how the situation stands right now:  Last night the condo board voted out the rule prohibiting dogs to walk in the front steps.  So Miss Hissyfit got her way.   

I'll bet our buyer is the kind of woman who carries her dog around in her purse

We are giving her exactly one day to pay the rest of the earnest money.  If she doesn't, we're walking away and putting the house back on the market.  Frankly, I think I'd rather do that than deal with this woman for the next 4-6 weeks.  Because I guarantee you some other issue is going to come up and she'll threaten to walk again.  

But we are firmly decided that she will NOT see the inside of the condo again until the closing.  She has no right to come in and demand things-- to act like she owns the place-- until she actually owns the place.


asplenia said...

I just laughed my ass off at the "give me the money!" picture. This woman sounds like an enormous pain, she already had contractors in looking at everything? And the dog issue? DAYUM. I hope it finally goes through and that you won't even have to see her for the key exchanging.

Tim said...

Oh, Asplenia, you have no idea how much I hate this woman. If I saw her at the closing, I'd probably stab her in the neck with a pencil. Even her realtor has apologized for her. I think they're just as sick of dealing with her as we are.